Smartest Dog
A structural engineer, an architect and a builder are all standing around arguing who has the smartest dog.
The architect says “Watch this. CAD, come here!” And his dog takes a pile of dog bones and makes them into a beautiful building.
The engineer then says “Oh yeah? Structure, come!” and his dog knocks down all the bones and reassembles them as a replica of the Golden Gate Bridge.
The builder laughs and says, “Big freakin’ deal. Backhoe, come!” And with that, the builder’s dog screws the other two dogs and takes the rest of the day off.
Fixing Fences
Three contractors were touring the White House on the same day. One was from New York, another from Mexico, and the third from Ontario.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me your bids.
“First the New York contractor took out his tape measure and pencils, did some measuring and said, “I figure the job will run about $900 – $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.
“Next was the Mexico contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick calculations and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700 – $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.
“Finally, the guard asks the Ontario contractor for his bid. Without batting an eye, the contractor says, “$2700.
“The guard, incredulous, looks at him and says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?””Easy,” says the contractor from Ontario, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Mexico.”
